Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
