I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
