mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
