god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
