I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
