At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
