arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
