im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
