My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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