I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
