Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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