you would pick up someone in the library
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
