The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
