No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize