My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
