I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
