There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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