How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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