I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
