I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
