I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
