what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize