these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
