My brain says no but my pants say off.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
