exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
