You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
