I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
