I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
