she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
