I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
