no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He passed out mid-signature
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize