no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
