True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize