I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
