i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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