Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize