He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
