the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
PANTIES FOUND
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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