i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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