I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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