you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's get the cat blown out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
