Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
