I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
