If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
