I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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