I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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