after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
