not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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