1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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