By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
