6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
