I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you inspire me to be a worse person
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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