dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize