i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
