tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
two words: eviction party
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
