Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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