Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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