You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
