Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
