I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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