I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
