The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
