I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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