I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He shit in the fireplace
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
