I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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